Archive for the ‘Turn Her On’ Category


How Do I Turn Her On?

April 25, 2010

by Felice

If you’re a male, you’ve probably asked yourself that question at one time or another. If you’re a female, you’ve probably wanted a man to ask himself that question.

It’s the wrong question.

Why is it the wrong question?

A guy who’s thinking, “How do I turn her on?” really means, “How do I arouse this woman enough so that she’ll let me get my rocks off?” Something is missing from that equation.

Another thing: Many women are easily arousable. Especially in the hormonal hyperdrive years. And at any age, a woman might be so highly arousable, she finds a delirious amount of pleasure from skin on skin. The skin is the largest organ, you know, and when it’s perceived it as a sex organ, there is a universe of sensual delight in lying close to another body. But this is the activity men tend to denigrate as “just cuddling.”

Why would he want to complain about that? I mean, supposedly, he wants to turn her on, right? And that turns her on. Where is the problem?

“Aha,” he says. “I’m aroused too. And I want to get off. That is the problem!”

Well, sure it is, and we’ll get back to that.

But here’s something to consider. You wouldn’t say, “How do I make this person hungry?” Sure, it’s possible to do. But people get hungry anyway. You don’t need to do anything to make that happen. It occurs naturally. And so does lust, which is just another word for “easily turned on.” There’s a good chance that a woman doesn’t need to “be turned on” like a household appliance. Most probably have a natural amount of lust.

The right question, gentlemen, is, “How do I make sure she’s satisfied?”

If it’s not clear to you why this is the right question, just go back four paragraphs and see if this sounds familiar:

“I’m aroused too. And I want to get off. That is the problem!”


Vaginal Tattoos

August 31, 2009

a poem by Kate Eisenberg



I know you by your eyes.

You want a woman for the
valley she

Provides for you to plow.

You want a woman for the
sense of

Power she brings to you.

Sex keeps you from having to
slap her

Which is the underlying
emotion that draws

You to her.

Plunge hard and push in is

So damned similar to smack
and propel to

The floor.

We feel your intent.

We know when we are being

Loved and we know when our

Is a sack where you place
your rage

Then pull it out and leave
the drippings

To burn.

No physical damage.

Nothing shows.

But we are wounded.

Some never trust again.

I am old now and know you at
a glance.

I shall not willingly spread
my legs and

Open to your liquid

You deposit acid

Where only happy drips should

So you will take it to the
young who

Think you are a talent, an

The Pollock of your

She feels cool until the day the mirror tells her

She has been fooled,

She has been fouled and it
can’t be washed away.

The mirror tells her he’s not
somebody and she’s

Not special just used and
older than she needs to be.

Her vagina is permanently
tattooed with ugly graffiti.

Her newborns will see it as
they are pushed into the world

And they will wonder who did
this shameful thing.

They will catalog it and

Before they see the glory of

It will already have changed


Osculation: Not for Everyone

March 15, 2009


By Gayle

I read where some psychiatrist says that after couples have been together for a while, they stop kissing. The reason? According to him, they’re avoiding true intimacy.

The shrink is off the wall, first, because intimacy is about a lot of other things besides swapping spit. Intimacy is that simpatico link between a couple that onlookers either envy, or make sarcastic and derogatory remarks about. It can’t be measured but it can be experienced. Outsiders may feel anything from discomfort to downright trauma, just from being around a pair of lovers who actually are intimate. We’re talking about the real thing here, not the holding-hands-the-day-before-papers-are-filed public display sort of thing. Authentic intimacy, the almost tangible forcefield between two people, is what turns them into a four-eyed monster, from a third party’s point of view.

And, once in a while, intimacy is asking the other person to check out the pimple on your back.

The point is, who gave this guy the authority to define kissing as the criterion of intimacy? Or of anything else, for that matter?

In the Finnish old days, people took communal baths but thought it was indecent to kiss. Indeed, it must have been gross, in the old days, in any part of the world. Throughout history, most people have been in a constant state of dental disrepair, if not crisis, and halitosis would be the norm. In fact, come to think of it, that’s probably the current situation for the majority of the world right now. You don’t see vans of roving dentists in refugee camps. Not many Water-Piks in combat zones.

Some say the mouth is the dirtiest part of the body, and that’s where the condoms should be worn. Besides, a person should be free to indulge in garlic, onions and other healthful but pungent foodstuffs without jeopardizing their love life.

An anthropologist reported back from China in the late 1800s that over there, way before Communism even, the immorality scale rated kissing on the same level as cannibalism. I feel ya, China people. I’m not a big fan of the smooch. I don’t vomit or go into clinical shock or anything. I’d just rather not kiss, most times. Although there was one guy… But never mind that. Mainly, mouth kissing is a drag. Although, strangely, I love to kiss necks and hands and all kinds of other parts.

Mouth kissing brings on a smothering primal fear of non-survival. It reminds me of the scene in Alien where the creature has clamped itself over the guy’s nose and oral cavity and sent a tentacle down inside him to lay an egg. Oxygen deprivation is not sexy. If my dead body is ever found in a condition that points to an auto-erotic asphyxiation scenario, you’ll know it was murder.

I do not know what ‘making out’ means these days, but thirty years ago it meant open-mouth clenching, prolonged and strenuous mashing and probing that left one with a sore jaw and a strained tongue…
…..Edwin Dobb

When I was coming up, the lore of making out was rampant among the boys. They’d hear about “throwing a yard of tongue” and commence to misapply that idea and get carried away with it. Don’t get me wrong, anybody who likes to French kiss should go right ahead and do it, if the other kisser likes it too. I’m just saying, the kiss follows a general principle: any erotic activity with the potential for being very sensuous, also has the potential to be really unpleasant.

Same with the ears – kissing them and blowing in them. A soft breath on an ear can be an incredible sensation. Having your eardrum near ruptured, not so good. There may be body parts where slurping is appreciated, but the ear is not one of them. (Unless the other person makes a specific request, of course.) The boys get these tips from their older brothers and yes, even from their hipster dads. They try it out, just by rote, with no idea why they’re doing it. If they possessed a clue, spit would not be dribbling into your ear canal.

The boys I grew up with had a quaint idea, which hasn’t died out yet. They were brought up to think the purpose of mouth kissing is to create a diversion. It’s a ploy to distract the girl’s attention from what’s going on down there. It’s easy to imagine how these nuggets of wisdom are passed along. “Just keep her busy playing tonsil hockey, and she won’t notice where your fingers are.”

It’s true that kissing is a distraction, which is not optimal for a woman who prefers to concentrate on what’s going on down there. As a general principle, I like to do one thing at a time. Because if you do it right, one thing at a time is plenty. I believe in

Try softer… Less is more… Practice makes perfect.

And when you get right down to the nitty-gritty, the push and shove of it, the effort to keep the mouths lined up inhibits the range of motion of the rest of the body. What if your inspiration is to slither around on the person like the Edenic serpent gliding amongst the branches of the Tree of Knowledge? You can’t do that while maintaining a lip lock.

There may be other women who don’t care for kissing. For all I know, Women Adore Kissing could be one of the biggest myths extant. And of course we all know that hookers don’t kiss johns. That’s one of the legendary facts about prostitutes. So some bozo will tell you, if you aren’t that into kissing, you must have a hooker mentality or something. Well, screw that. It’s not a moral issue or an oral hygiene issue or even a personal issue regarding whoever you’re in bed with. It’s a sexual preference issue. And what we know about sexual preferences is, it’s better for everyone if they are respected.

Apocalypse is what you get from kissing passionate apocas.
………..Clair Horner

Photo by masochismtango
Courtesy of this Creative Commons license